Dealing with Anxiety: My Story.
Before I even begin to talk about dealing with anxiety, I am in no way trying to generalize what the experience is, because I know people who have had it worse than me. I just want to share my story. I think that sometimes people do really forget that this is a real issue that people have to go through everyday, but it took over my life for years. Around winter break of my fourth grade year, I took a trip to London, England for my birthday. I was having an amazing time, but I do tend to get a little nervous when I am so distant from home. Little did I know that, that night at dinner, my amazing time would turn around. I ended up choking on something I was eating which honestly doesn’t sound like a huge deal, but I was in fourth grade, and I was convinced that I was about to die. My mom actually had to help me, and I was struggling for air for the longest minute of my life. After the problem was solved, the entire restaurant was dead staring at me like they had just witnessed murder, and I was beyond embarrassed and terrified. Everyone continued on with their dinner, but I sat in silence with not an ounce of appetite left in my body. When we got back to the hotel room, I went straight to bed, mortified of what had just occurred. Later that night, I woke up to the sound of my heart beating at the speed of light. I sat straight up breathing like I had just ran a marathon. Soon, my knees started trembling and I started to lose my ability to breathe. I felt like I was choking all over again. I went straight to my parents, who told me that I just had a nightmare and to go back to bed. After I realized I couldn’t get any help from them, I went back to my bed, trying to catch my breath. I felt like the weight of the world was crushing my chest. It was similar to the feeling of drowning under water and not being able to reach the surface. I didn’t sleep until five in the morning, when I could finally catch my breath. I remember this night so vividly, because it was the first panic attack I had ever experienced. The next day, and for the rest of the trip, I was too scared to eat anything. I would go days without eating, and I cannot even express to anyone what it is like to get over a fear of eating that would last me months. I lost around fifteen pounds as a nine year old girl. Ever since this experience, I had the problem with not wanting to eat, but I also developed anxiety that would take over everything I did. I rarely wanted to go anywhere or travel anywhere, and it felt like I was afraid of the world. I would wake up some nights with the feeling of drowning and would have to try calm myself, but nothing ever worked. I even got to the point where I was looking up on the internet, at two in the morning, “how to calm down”. It was like my body was constantly in fear of everything, and I couldn't stop it. My parents noticed a change in me as well, and they suggested that I see a therapist. I took a huge amount of offense to this, because I associated seeing a therapist with crazy people. I told them I was never going to see a therapist, because I am not a crazy person. That was the biggest mistake I would ever make. I am going to say this now, and I hope that if you are reading this and are dealing with panic attacks, depression, eating disorders, or anything else, do NOT be afraid to see a therapist. Seeing a therapist does not label you as a crazy person. It is so important to treat your mental health as you would your physical health. I say that this is my biggest mistake, because, just like having the flu, mental illnesses are still illnesses that need to be consulted with doctors. I personally am not a fan of taking medication if I don't need to, but that is not everything that a doctor can give you. Doctors are able to recommend amazing therapists. They really do know what they are talking about, and if I had seen one earlier in my time of having anxiety, I would have been able to teach myself how to keep it under control and be more aware of my surroundings a lot earlier. Even though I felt the world crushing my chest, it was all a matter of myself taking control of my mind. And my anxiety didn't go away in one night. It took years of me trying to get over it, and I still do once in a while have panic attacks. The difference now is that I know how to keep myself calm. For me, something that really helped my anxiety was getting a dog. When my dad suggested this, I doubted the fact that a dog would help me with my anxiety, but surprisingly it was the thing that helped my anxiety the most. Now, I am not saying that you need to go out and buy a new puppy because of your anxiety, but what I am saying is this. Never be afraid to ask for help. It is always there whether it is your friends, family, or even therapists. There are so many resources for dealing with mental illnesses, so please know that you are never alone and there are always people to help all around you. Sharing my own story is not something I do often, because I don't like the pity that comes along with it, but I really want to help other people who could be going through the same thing, because I know how hard it is. I hope my that through sharing my story I was able to inspire others to get help or maybe even help out other people that may be going through dealing with anxiety themselves. Always remember, you are not alone.
